I’M HAVING A MIDLIFE CRISIS
I have come to the realization that I’m officially *there* and I’m not sure when I crossed that threshold. One minute I was doing my thing: spouse-ing with my husband, raising boys, running a business, enjoying family…you know — the usual. Then I stopped moving for one weekend and reality touched me like a bad Benny Hinn service.
J and I went to this year’s World Domination Summit in Portland. It was an Anniversary/Business trip. There were 3,000 people that generated enough creativity to make my head spin. J was in his element. I, however, was feeling lost.
Part of this is because I have done a HORRIBLE job at boundaries lately. I was feeling used by everyone. When you feel like people are taking from you vs. you giving of yourself, there is a boundary issue. There is also a heart problem. I was feeling depleted and ready for “my” moment. The “what-about-me” syndrome. “When’s my time to shine?” “What happened to my youthful outlook on life?” “When am I going to see the fruits of my labour?”
So, not feeling like myself, I came home realizing that:
- No amount of age-erasing beauty products was going to stop my skin from losing it’s elasticity.
- My metabolism is no longer what it was in my 20s and 30s.
- Good genes can only get you so far, then age takes over.
- I’m no longer the ever efficient, multi-tasking fool I once was.
…and I cried for my youth like a blooming idiot. Me! The 20 and 30-year-old in me was completely embarrassed. I used to make fun of people who were like this.
It was jarring and a wake up call.
I’m not sure I’m to the point of an actual crisis. I think that comes from continued denial of the state you’re in. Although a nice little hot rod would be ok with me!
So what does this mean for me now? Not sure really. Time to make some changes in regards to boundaries. The boys are already feeling that. (MWHAHAHAHAHA!) But I also need to make some boundaries for myself.
I’m finding that a wake-up call is good for the soul. It reminds me that I’m very much alive and have a lot to offer. I’m good at things that might not come naturally for others. I love sharing my gift of laughter and have found I do have a little bit of craftiness in me after all. That was a surprise.
I’m starting to get excited about who this new Jen is and who she is blossoming into. What has started as a MidLife Crisis has become a MidLife Creation.