I hear that telling the truth will set you free.

I’m not feel­ing too free right now.

I have been telling a lie for over 20 years. For the sake of my health and my son’s, I’m going to “lib­er­ate” my black heart from this lie. It’s not like I have to con­fess it to Jesus as he’s oh, so very, aware of my silli­ness. I really don’t expect some angelic, trumpet-blowing moment after relin­quish­ing this lie, but here goes:

I been telling doc­tors for 20 years that I’ve had my tetanus shot recently and I haven’t.

There. {For those of you laughing…try going in at 11 year old to a Health Cen­ter and let­ting some 80 year old lady throw nee­dles at your arm all day! Those nee­dles were 6 feet long! Yes, they were!!!}

…big breath…

This means, that in real­ity, I haven’t had a tetanus shot since some­time in the 80’s. My mother knows about this HORRID lie I’ve been telling. It makes her crazy. “What about lock­jaw!?!?!” I fig­ure it’s the 21st century…don’t they have a cure for that yet?

I’m going to a new doc­tor. I actu­ally kind of dig her, but she’s got this “bad patient” radar and she zero’d in on me like a buz­zard on road­kill. Some­thing about how they’re hav­ing to give the whoop­ing cough shot WITH the tetanus shot to pro­tect me from my bad immune sys­tem. I imme­di­ately started sweating.

*the above image makes me sweat…really*

Old­man is due for his 12yo boost­ers and he’s freak­ing out. He had such a bad expe­ri­ence with so many nee­dles when he had his Pur­pura bout that he looks at nee­dles like I do. So I do the stu­pid­est thing EVER…

…I’m going in with him tomor­row morn­ing so we can get our shots together.

You don’t under­stand! Just writ­ing about this about to put me into a straight jacket!!! For some rea­son, some­thing high­jacked my brain into think­ing that I could go first and show Old­man how it’s done. Now, all he’s going to see is his mother throw­ing up in a cold sweat say­ing, “Ok, let’s do this…WAIT WAIT WAIT…GIVE ME A MINUTE.…Ok…NO…NO!!!!!”

He’s going to be more ter­ri­fied than ever…

Jesus, take the wheel.…Oy.