Am I a (wo)man or a mouse

"Dear God Make Everyone Die," by Tod...

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This past weekend J and I went out with eight other couples. We ate at a classy restaurant that specializes in fondue. The atmosphere was rich and electrifying. The conversation, food and drinks flowed freely…thankfully. I don’t think I slept the two nights leading up to the dinner. I hadn’t seen these other couples in years. There had been a 13 year gap with one of the couples. The sad thing is other than two of the couples, the rest of us all live in the same town. And we’re family.
All cousins and their spouses got together for the first time since the early 90’s. And that was because of weddings.
The mind is an amazing thing. As soon as my brother told me there was going to be a get together of the cousins, I turned into an awkward, bell-bottom wearing 3rd grader. I practically peed myself from the jolt of fear that went up my spine.
“Dear God, these people are from my past.”
I’m a happy, functioning woman because my past is exactly that…my past. These “people” know every single secret or story of my childhood. With as fast as my heart beat over the course of a few days, you would think I exhausted pounds off by the double digits, but instead I panic-ate my little heart out.  Niiiiiice. Nothing like gaining 10 lbs just before seeing people who haven’t seen you since you weighed 115.
Finally the day of the dinner, I demanded that the adult inside to stand up and act, well…like an adult! I’m a wife and a mother of 2 wonderful boys. I have been successful in business and in love. I have learned (am learning) grace, forgiveness and faithfulness. I am loud and laugh louder. And people like me despite that! 😀
Of course, all that stress eating wasn’t worth it. We had a wonderful time and we all laughed about past and new stories. We got together again Sunday morning to watch one of my cousins and his wife dedicated their newly adopted daughter. They have waited YEARS for this time and it was incredible watching them take this new step in their lives.
We even talked about, those of us in town, getting together a little more often. One of the cousins has boys the same age as Oldman and Gremlin so the boys would love it.
As much as it panics me that they know my past, it’s also reassuring that they know my past.
…as long as I keep reminding myself that I’m not 8 years old!

This past weekend J and I went out with eight other couples. We ate at a classy restaurant that specializes in fondue. The atmosphere was rich and electrifying. The conversation, food and drinks flowed freely…thankfully. I don’t think I slept the two nights leading up to the dinner. I hadn’t seen these other couples in years. There had been a 13 year gap with one of the couples. The sad thing is other than two of the couples, the rest of us all live in the same town. And we’re family.

All cousins and their spouses got together for the first time since the early 90’s. And that was because of weddings.

The mind is an amazing thing. As soon as my brother told me there was going to be a get together of the cousins, I turned into an awkward, bell-bottom wearing 3rd grader. I practically peed myself from the jolt of fear that went up my spine.

“Dear God, these people are from my past.”

I’m a happy, functioning woman because my past is exactly that…my past. These “people” know every single secret or story of my childhood. With as fast as my heart beat over the course of a few days, you would think I exhausted pounds off by the double digits, but instead I panic-ate my little heart out.  Niiiiiice. Nothing like gaining 10 lbs just before seeing people who haven’t seen you since you weighed 115.

Finally the day of the dinner, I demanded that the adult inside me to stand up and act, well…like an adult! I’m a wife and a mother of 2 wonderful boys. I have been successful in business and in love. I have learned am learning grace, forgiveness and faithfulness. I am loud and laugh louder. And people like me despite that! 😀

Of course, all that stress eating wasn’t worth it. We had a wonderful time and we all laughed about past and new stories. We got together again Sunday morning to watch one of my cousins and his wife dedicate their newly adopted daughter. They have waited YEARS for this time and it was incredible watching them take this new step in their lives.

We even talked about, those of us in town, getting together a little more often. One of the cousins has boys the same age as Oldman and Gremlin so the boys would love it.

As much as it panics me that they know my past, it’s also reassuring that they know my past.

…as long as I keep reminding myself that I’m not 8 years old!

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4 Comments

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  • I know those fears. Friends I haven’t seen since 9th grade are trying to talk me into going to their high school reunion. Have I become the woman I really wanted to become? I’m glad the time ended up being even more wonderful than you hoped.

  • Oh boy, I can only imagine. I’m glad you got over your anxiety. I still feel like that awkward “drama geek” when I see people from my high school. I just can’t shake it!

  • Hi Cousin,

    Our evening out was a blast and I am so glad everyone was able to make it. You have to remember, when you were the bell-bottomed 3rd grader I was in kindergarten with my spiderman underoos. I hope you weren’t too overwhelmed and I really hope it isn’t another 13 years before we get together again. Keep in mind that blood is thicker than time or space.

    Cousin #3

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