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For quite awhile I’ve felt so much like Too­tles. Remem­ber him? He was the Lost Boy from the Peter Pan sto­ries who had “lost his mar­bles”.  Lit­tle did we know at first, that what he had really lost were his happy thoughts.

I’ve touched on this from time to time.

“I need to remem­ber to count my bless­ings. Life is good for us right now. Life IS good for us right now! Dang it!”

But for the past 2 weeks I have been mak­ing a seri­ous effort to find my Mojo. I’ve prayed, screamed, read, thought, laughed, and made bets. In my job, I work very closely with the cus­tomers. If they aren’t happy. I’m the first to know about it.  If they’re thrilled, I may or may not hear about it. At times it doesn’t help with the find­ing of the Mojo. So dur­ing my 2 weeks of intense Mojo-motivation I lis­tened to the Brook­line Taber­na­cle Choir on the way to work.  There’s a par­tic­u­lar song about thank­ing God for bless­ings.  Sim­ple things, like wak­ing up, see­ing the sun shine, and mercy.  It sets the mood of my day. It became my focus. I was/am deter­mined to find bless­ings in my day. That means I seek out the bless­ing.  I’m not just sit­ting on my butt try­ing to think of the bless­ings that came my way.

As always, there were hur­dles.  Try­ing to do this in the mid­dle of a killer PMS week has it’s set-backs. That’s for sure!

I’ll be dri­ving along, all in my bless­ings, when some nim­rod pulls out in front of me.

Hypo­thet­i­cally, of course.…I would lay on my horn only to remem­ber that it sounds like a dying cow. So to show that dirt­bag, I would flip him the bird (HYPOTHETICALLY…cause I don’t even know what fin­ger that is…ahem.) and ride his butt so close it would hack him off the rest of the day.

That’s me. Ms. Edification.

The point of all this was to build a dif­fer­ent habit.  Because that was the only rea­son I could find as to why I was in the dump…why I couldn’t write…why I couldn’t enjoy life. I had a year’s worth of bad habits that turned me into a weird Old Tootles.

So now I think I’m on my way to find­ing all my marbles…my happy thoughts. Which means, this blog is no longer a bur­den. It’s going to be my jour­nal again. I’m excited about it actu­ally.  It’s amaz­ing what all I want to write about when I look at it that way.

I’ve got my diary back.