Scared mad

A panorama showing a rain cloud on the right
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You know those nightmares we get from time to time where something bad is happening and no matter how loud you scream, it just doesn’t seem loud enough. No matter how hard you try to run, your legs just won’t move.  Yesterday I experienced that nightmare…in real life.

We were at Gremlin’s football practice when a huge rain storm swooped in out of no where.  Due to some scary experiences with hail and tornado storms, Gremlin freaks out at sprinkles! I yelled for him to “Come here!” and quickly tried to get our stuff together and help other families get their belongings.  I yelled for my oldest to head for the car and spun around to grab Gremlin by the hand to make our mad dash. The hand didn’t feel right. It wasn’t him. It was another little boy.  I quickly looked around and Gremlin was no where to be found.  J was in an intense conversation with the coach and a downpour was not going to deter him.

I took off with Oldman toward the parking lot with a growing fear in my heart. We had a long way to go as the football field is behind all the soccer fields and it was raining so hard it was difficult to see.  I had one more soccer field to cross when I saw him.  He was crying hysterically trying to find us and the car. He was running all over the parking lot and cars were driving crazy trying to get home.  We live in the heart of farmland so EVERYONE drives trucks.

I freaked.

I started screaming his name over and over. He couldn’t hear me.

I was running with everything in me, but my legs felt like rubber and just wouldn’t dig in and move it.

I saw one truck barely miss him.  Then another.

I’m not sure how he did it, but my 9 year old kicked it into gear and passed me running for his brother.

A truck about clipped him on the leg.

I reached them just as Oldman brought him out of the parking lot with his arms wrapped around him.

I was so mad. Mad at myself for not turning into Wonder Woman and coming to his rescue.  Mad that as many times as I’ve tried to teach him what to do in case of an emergency he just won’t do it. Mad that I can’t take his white-knuckle fear of rain away. Mad that I came too close to losing him over a stupid reason.

Also mad, that during all this J was STILL talking to the coach over a dumb misunderstanding and he was oblivious to what was going on! He wasn’t ‘there’ for Gremlin or for me.  Is it his fault? No.  But this mama bear is furious.

There have been many days as a mother that one of my children did something to scare me to death.  You know, the typical falling out of a tree and landing hard, bike wreck, scooter flip, etc. But yesterday Gremlin scared me so bad I’m still shaking in anger.

And I don’t know what to do with it. I should feel blessed that nothing did happen, but I’m not there yet.

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  • When my son was about 4 he took a a freshly super, super sharpened pencil and managed to poke/cut/tear his sister on the face. Right below her eye. He didn’t purposely intend to hurt her but it was horrendous. She ended up at a plastic surgeon’s office and now, thankfully, only bears a very small lead scar that she can cover up with makeup when she’s older.

    My son had the AUDACITY to blame the entire incident on her. If she hadn’t have made him mad he wouldn’t have had to swing the pencil. I was crazy mad. Mad like you don’t get at a child. Adult anger mad. I didn’t know what to do either. The next day I was sitting in my chair and crying out to God about what to do with this mountian of anger. And His answer came to me in a flash and was one word.

    Forgive.

    Just the moment He whispered it on my heart, my son happened to come upstairs. I bawled and threw my arms around him and told him I forgave him for hurting his sister. And I felt much, much better.

    I’m sure there are people out there who told me I did the wrong thing. I should have punished him, etc. But this was an isolated incident. Never happened before and hasn’t happened since (he’s now 13). God told me what to do and He’ll tell you what to do, too.

  • I’m so sorry for what happened and for what you’re feeling. I’m afraid that I would want to take it out on my husband, but like you said J was just oblivious. Hopefully, Gremlin will remember the fear he felt and the fear he saw in you and learn from it how to better react. STAY WITH MOM!! (unless otherwise directed by said MOM)

    I also like what Cheri said. God will help you forgive as well as know how to teach and learn from this. ~Jenny

  • {{hugs}} I could feel your terror and anger. I am so sorry that it happened. I can’t add anything better than what has already been written. It’s been a few days since this has been written so I hope the feelings have subsided.

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