I choose to love

June 25, 1998

June 25, 1998

If love is a choice, why did you decide to love your mate?

Was he your first love? Was it an arranged love?  Was he your last chance at love…or so you thought? Did it sneak up on you like a gentle breeze or did it bowl you over like a tornado?    Why did you choose to love your spouse?

I remember when I first “felt in love” with J. We were driving back from something late at night and we were driving in silence. I was comfortable with it.  That’s it. No tingle in the belly. No rush of heat to my face. Just a realization that I felt completely at peace around him.  That was not a feeling that was normal for me.

J and I are about as opposite as a couple can be.  The only thing we have in common is our love for laughter.  And we do that a lot.  I can look back at our most rockiest times and see those were times where we lacked laughter.  There wasn’t much humor and frivolity in our marriage during those times.  If anything we had to be careful of our sarcastic bites.  We plowed through though; with the help of a very caring God.

I also remember when I choose to love J.  Sadly enough it was after we had been married for awhile.  Even though I got married at 26, I might as well have been 18 by the way I viewed marriage.  I guess I just assumed love was going to make it all wine and roses day in and day out.  What a silly girl.  I realized that we were two people brought up in two different cultures and we clashed!  If I wanted to make this marriage work I had to choose to love J with my whole I’m-never-giving-up being.

J has helped me love him dispite my many, many misgivings.  He’s taught me how to give and forgive, love and fight right, be strong yet a total mush pot (ok…I’m still working on the mush pot thing).

On February 14, 1998, J asked me to be his wife, partner, and lover.  Of course I said, “It’s about friggin’ time Yes.” And 4 months later he held me still long enough to say, “I do”. I was a tad bit nervous…and afraid I was going to bolt.  I’m so glad I didn’t.swak2

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