WTF *Warning…not PG material

Ok…here’s the deal.

I’m still in shock, so bear with me.  I need to get this out.

I knew from month 1 that my oldest child, OldMan was going to be different.  The how’s, why’s, and when’s were always floating around out there. It didn’t matter cause he was so very precious to me.  When he turned 8 we knew this was going to be a whopper year for him.  7 led up to it.  Some stuff was so typical kid stuff.  Some not so much.

Most Monday mornings are just like every other household: rushing around trying to find something substantial to eat, arguing about what to wear, reminding them that brushing teeth is more than just sucking toothpaste off their toothbrush, and I-don’t-care-if-not-brushing-your-hair-is-the-latest- fad-you’ll-just-have-to-look-like-a-nerd-today.  (The funny thing now would be to say, “Then when I’m done with J, I get the kids ready”…but you SO would see that coming right?)

Back to drama…

This morning that crazy routine came to a screeching halt, when OldMan mentioned that one of his classmates asked him if he knew what f-u-c-(WHOA!!!!) meant. Might I also interject that this kid has a cellphone with the greeting of “F U”.  Classy.  Who gives their 2nd grader a cell phone?!?!  I just don’t understand why he would need one.

Now most parents know to just answer the question and then the kids are usually satified without having details.  But we need to back up a bit so you understand my angst.

When OldMan was 3 he asked where babies came from.  I told him, “From the momma’s belly.”

“But how did it get there.”

“God takes a piece of mommy and a piece of daddy and makes the baby in my belly.”

“How does the baby come out?”

(I was pregnant at the time) “I go to the hospital, and the Dr. helps deliver the baby.”

“Does the baby come out of your bo-bo (ie – butt)?”

(deep sigh) “No, the baby comes out of mama’s pee-pee.”

“Oh…ok.”  Off he runs.

Not another word I hear from him until he’s 5, then he proceeds to tell me that he remembers that conversation and doesn’t believe me.  He said there is NO WAY that a baby could come out of that area.  Also, I should always tell him the truth cause he’ll figure it out.

That’s when we had the conversation about how God made women special to stretch to be able to have that baby out of that location.  Well!  I didn’t want him saying anything to his brother or friends that was wrong.  He was picked on enough.

Fast forward to 7 yrs old – he STILL remembers the convo from when he was 3 and asks, “How does God take a piece of the man and a piece of the woman and put it in the woman’s belly?”  Before I could stutter an obnoxious response, he said, “It must be like what he did when he took Adam’s rib and put it in Eve.” And he walked away. Phew! (Yeah…wrong bone buddy.)

J and I knew the “Talk” needed to take place soon.  I, personally, wanted to wait until this summer so that he didn’t take this info to school and hash it around with friends.  I hoped prayed figured if we said something during the summer then by August it would be old news.

Also I need to note, we have a house rule that if you don’t know the meaning of the word, 1) you can’t say/use it and 2) you must look it up in the dictionary and we talk about how it should/should not be used.

So, when OldMan asked me what f-u-c-you know means, I told him it was one of the worst cuss words out there.  He then (conveniently) remembered the house rule and grabbed the dictionary.  I yelled beckoned for J to join us in our bedroom hoping he wouldn’t choke on his Corn Pop’s when he found out what was going on.

Not only did he NOT choke but he did an AWESOME job of talking with Oldman about it.  I sat back and just enjoyed listening to a father and son discuss cultured words and understandings.

Also props need to go out to Webster for at least keeping THAT slang word out of the dictionary!  Whoo-hoo!!

School’s out in 2 weeks.

Guess I know what the first thing on our Summer Agenda will be.

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12 Comments

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  • Oh, Jen. Do we have the same child? Reading this reminded me so much of when Bear 1st heard that word (kindergarten during lunch) & our birds & bees conversation.

    I hate when another piece on innocence is taken away. Sounds like ya’ll handled it wonderfully. Good luck with the 1st thing on your Summer Agenda.

  • This is where it’s convenient to live in redneck country out in the boonies where all the idiot neighbors let their un-neutered dogs run loose. Children get a real quick dose of sex education. Of course, they might get the idea that people get stuck together for 15 minutes like dogs do, but hey!

  • WOW – You two are truly wonderful parents! I can’t imagine – SECOND grade??? That other child’s parents probably think it’s ‘funny’ or ‘cute’ – I think it’s disgusting.

    You and J did an awesome job.

  • Hats off to J! I thought of Bear (D..’s son) while I was reading this – I knew she could relate!

    As far as I know, my kids just think it’s a really bad word. I dread the day I have to explain it!

  • My kids learned the d word (slang for male anatomy) this year in second grade. It really floored me that they were already hearing stuff like this in school. Plus, we just moved them to a “better” school. I guess their going to hear stuff like this sooner or later, but I’m still praying for much later.

  • “wrong bone” you are too funny.
    My boy is also in 2nd grade and I’m not looking forward to this discussion… I suspect I will do what you have done and let the Dadster take care of it. Awesome.
    But, yeah, what’s with his friend having a cell phone with FU as a greeting?

  • Look at it this way, since you told oldman, you probably won’t have to tell the younger ones! lol.

    We had to have the conversation at about the same time with our oldest, thanks to an episode of Friends. lol. We haven’t had to have the talk with any of the others, the older boys have made sure the younger ones have known… yay.

  • Um, he won’t be sharing his new found knowledge with the other kids on the camping trip will he?

    You get back to me on that. I’ve gotta call the school real quick and un-enroll A-man from Kindergarten!

  • Woah, this makes me angry, JenGi. The kid with the cell, his parents sooo know about the F U thing. And if they don’t, even worse parents, imo.

    Homeschool, JenGi, it’s lookin better to you now, isn’t it? You can do it! Yes you can! xoxo

    PS–well done, J!

  • Oh my word! Girl! Wow.

    I am so impressed with how you shared more info each time… you should be proud :)

    My son is in 2nd too (but will be 9 the beginning of the summer). This really makes me think about what my hubs and I should be thinking about. We’d really like to beat his peers to the punch…

    You guys did a good job, and it sounds like you are on top of things – it’s so great your know your boy so well :)

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