Worst Blind Date

Some friends and I were talking about blind dates recently…Of course when you talk on that subject it always leads to the worst blind dates ever! And then it hit me…

I was someone’s worst blind date ever.

I had just broken off my engagement to a total pot-head, was starting to recupe from my bout with Graves Disease and moved here for a new start. I met these 3 guys who called themselves the Sap Suckers (their house was the Sap Shack) I ended up moving in with them…I mean above them. It was on old historic house that they split into 3 apartments.

They were the strangest guys. They called themselves the Sap Suckers (S.S.) because they said sap was about the only thing they could get their lips around.

They were in their early to mid 20s and had never had a girlfriend….not a single kiss! They weren’t nerdy nor were they ugly. They were just….different.

They were also very protective of me. To a fault.

One night a friend set me up on a blind date with one of her instructors. The S.S. did not approve. They threatened all kinds of things, but they finally allowed to leave me alone if I would let the larger of the 3 be in my apartment when the guy came to pick me up.

Like an idiot, I agreed.

However, I didn’t agree to him sitting on my couch cleaning his guns. But that’s what he did. I wasn’t thrilled but figured the prof would see through the testosterone.

The guy came to pick me up and just stood there at the door, staring, wide-eyed at the guns. As we left the house he asked me, “That wasn’t your husband was it?”

“Sure fella…that’s why he’s letting me walk out the house on a date with you.” {eyes rolling}

The evening wasn’t all that bad, but he was a tad bit stiff. I was afraid he was going to pass out before we were done.

We ate the fastest meal known to man and he promptly took me home.

As we pulled up to the house, there sat all 3 guys with their guns tucked into their waistbands, chewing on hay (!!..we lived in the city…where did the hay come from?!?).

The guy turned and looked at me and asked very weakly, “Do I need to walk you to the door?” I just rolled my eyes and got out of the car. He was gone before my foot hit the porch.

The Sap Suckers got a huge kick out of it and I never went on another blind date.

Can you imagine what that guy told his friends?! If I remember right I believe the friend who set us up said he went back to his old girlfriend.

I eventually moved out of the Sap Shack and got a life.

(*15 years later and those 3 Sap Suckers are all married and one has 4 kids.  Oh…and they were the ones who introduced me to my husband.)

What was your worst blind date?

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13 Comments

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  • That is hysterical! I tried an Internet dating service once and had lunch with this guy at Macaroni grill. It was about 10 years ago. H e was very rude and disagreed with everything I said but then kept talking about marriage. To make things worse he ordered wine, the most expensive item on the menu, an appetizer and a dessert and asked me to pay the entire bill (I was prepared to pay my portion it was afterall a blind date) he said “I forgot my wallet, how about you get this one babe and I’ll get the next one.” There was no “next one.”

  • LOL, the sap suckers! I am cracking up that YOU were a worst blind date and you know that poor guy has had to have retold that story countless times, hee hee…

    Can’t say that I’ve eve r been on a blind date, I’ve been married since I was 19 and missed all that blind date fun,lol.

  • Ahahaha this gives a whole new meaning to my step-daughter giving her dad the nickname “Funsucker”.

    Great story! I must admit I think it’s kind of neat the S.S. were so protective of you.

  • That was dang funny! Girl where do you come up with this stuff and WHEN are you going to get that book written? You need a book, JenGi. Heck, you deserve a book.

    I am personally glad the sap suckers scared off the not-right-for-you date. I kinda like the one you ended up with. Not like that! But I like him. Not that anyone wouldn’t like him like that, though, people would. But he’s just right for you. I have a picture of you sticking your tongue in his ear to prove it. xoxo ~Gidge

  • When I was in college, a friend of mine wanted to introduce me to her husband’s friend. I was just out of a major relationship, and figured what better way to get back into dating.

    Now, you have to remember, I was a major preppy type girl. MAJOR. I was to meet them at their house along with my blind date. I walk in and there was this guy, long stringy hair, down to his waist, wearing a tye dye shirt, just finishing off a joint, along with several other guys, more preppy looking. They make introductions, and I find out the preppy guys are in a band and only there to see some of my freinds hubby’s art work for their album cover. The stringy hair guy was my date. Yeah, I knew this wasn’t going to happen. But I stuck it out, went out to eat, said my good byes and headed home, not thinking anything else about it.

    A few days later my friend stopped me in the rec room at school, and told me she knew the date wasn’t a good one, BUT one of the band members had called and asked her hubby if he could have my number.

    I wound up dating the band member for a couple of months! lol.

  • Ahhh sigh. You did? JenGi (wayy cooler blog name, agreed) I’m sorry, I’ll go listen right now. My phone is still being assaulted (ahem…you know) and I don’t check often. It’s almost over (yay!) but sorry I missed it while I was out studying and praying for your salvation. Followed by a blue martini toast in your honor.

  • PS–it will NOT be weird to win. It might knock me over with a feather, but it’ll be good. Get my blood pumpin for another round of blog contest winnings time. It’s time..I feel wins coming my way. I do!

  • Would you believe I’ve never been on a blind date? But your story cracked me up, girl! Love that they added the hay to the overall picture – nice touch! That sounds like a sitcom!

  • I’ve only been on 1 blind date, but, while bad, it doesn’t compare to your charming story! I love that the S.S. introduced you to your husband. :)

  • Muahahaha… what an experience!! You are trully lovable and I am not surprised the S.S were so protective to you! So, your hubby is their choice of mate for you? hahahaha.. really great friends!

    Btw, thank you so much for checking my blog and enjoy my brand new lay out.. hehehehe… sorry for being so ‘naughty’ 😛

  • How funny !
    I have never been on a blind date. I did meet my husband through my sister which was kind of a set up and her doing but never a blind date.

  • I’ve been on a couple of blind dates. One crossed paths with the craziest ex-girlfriend known to man. She thought my name was Beth so she never really caught up with me.

    The other one was when I met my husband. That one obviously wasn’t so bad!

    Um, do I know any of the S.S.?

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